


green eyes are leaning in on me

by Fish (SeannaWatters)



Series: (hlvrai cymbal crash) [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Gordon tired... but soft, Hurt/Comfort, I'm absolutely planning on cuddles, Not A Game AU, Ok so yeah maybe it's ooc if you're looking for completely apathetic benrey and mad Gordon, Other, They/Themrey, benrey also has a tiny bit of anxiety just a little, benrey is on the spectrum but extremely undiagnosed so no idea where exactly they are, but listen can't they just be nice?? as a treat, but sometimes benrey talks about Black Mesa like it was all a video game??, could be considered as a Coping Strategy of sorts, kinda??? It ain't gonna be quick but it won't be molasses-slow, no beta we perish like fools, slowburn, super slow updates (I'm making a different hlvrai fic and also tryna graduate), tags will update as fic progresses, tommy has adhd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26280694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeannaWatters/pseuds/Fish
Summary: After crashing at Tommy's place for weeks on end and subjected to Benrey's continuous rambling about Gordon and all their anxieties on how to fix things, Tommy (after much consideration) decides to set up Benrey as Gordon's new roommate (they didn't know how he convinced Gordon in the slightest). Reasoning? Benrey can explain their woes to Gordon himself and work out their issues. Tommy thinks that in the nicest way possible.That was 4 months ago. Now, Gordon has figured out that maybe Benrey isn't so bad. Maybe. Plus they're a lot nicer than they used to be!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: (hlvrai cymbal crash) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002909
Comments: 113
Kudos: 277





	1. feelings are hard, man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahhhhh I originally wrote this super late in the night and then stared at it for like,, 6 days before finally finishing the chapter. I'm absolutely horrible with making long and complete stories so please don't yell @ me if a chapter can barely reach 1000 words. I'm trying really hard I promise
> 
> Also my updating schedule is incredibly sporadic and dependent on my creative mood 😔 F  
> I hope you enjoy though!! welcome 2 the ride

Gordon leaned back on the living room couch, phone up to his ear, talking his mouth off to whoever was on the other side. Probably Tommy, with how the tinny upbeat noises and occasional barks slip through the speaker. Benrey was, originally, playing a videogame on the old PlayStation they found in the back of Gordon's hallway closet, but they were kind of distracted by how... happy, Gordon sounded. How his face lit up every now and then with different topics, and how he occasionally chuckled at whatever was spoken to him on the line. Their face felt warm.

Benrey couldn't help but to stare. How could they? Gordon's eyes sparkled like little emeralds every time they caught a glimpse; it was hopelessly entrancing. He seemed so caught up in his conversation that he didn't even notice his roommate's unblinking gaze, their pupils blown incredibly round, watching him like he was a popular museum art piece. They weren't even registering the words coming out of his mouth, too caught up.

They were a bit jealous, maybe. How come Gordon Failman looked and sounded like that when talking to Tommy? How come he doesn't look at them with the same attitude? They guessed it was probably because Tommy didn't tease Gordon as much, but it's way too much fun seeing him get frustrated and confused when they spout something completely out of left field.

"-rey? Hey, you zoned out there?" Gordon was suddenly off of his phone, the device nowhere to be seen — how long have they been staring? — and his full attention was on Benrey. His eyebrows were all pushed down and near the bridge of his nose, a slight frown replacing his smile.

"Benrey? Dude, you keep staring at me. Do I have something on my face? You trying to mess with me again?" They snapped back to reality, tearing their eyes away from his lips and tugging on the strings of their chullo. Their whole face and ears felt on fire. What's up with that?

"Huh?" Benrey locked their eyes on the controller left abandoned in their lap, game still unpaused. There was a few short but agonizing seconds of silence, before they jolted at the feeling of a warm hand on their shoulder. 

"You good, buddy? I know I haven't... really given you the time of day back in... y'know," he paused. Benrey felt like they were on fire. What's happening? Gordon isn't usually this soft-spoken. They should probably say something before this gets weird. Gordon opened his mouth to continue speaking, but was quickly cut off.

"What? No, I'm- your face just looks really dumb. Is all." Nailed it. The warmth was removed from their shoulder, followed by an irritated huff.

"Why do I even bother..." He mumbles, and they can sense his eyes leaving them, probably being rolled. They weren't really paying attention, what with all the burning Sweet Voice threatening to spill all over the place. Benrey squeezes both of the puffs on the end of their hat strings. 

"Listen. I'm gonna go spend a few hours with Tommy. Don't break anything, got it?" Benrey nods idly and bites their tongue just a bit. They feel the weight of the cushions shift as he stands up and walks over to the hallway where the shoe cubby, key bowl, and front door is. They said nothing as their roommate left, locking the door behind him and starting up the muffled car engine. Finally alone, Benrey heaves out a sigh. Magenta to teal Sweet Voice slipped out freely, floating up lazily by a few feet and casting their slight glow upon the living room, mingling with the afternoon light from the various windows. They half-heartedly glared at the orbs before messing with their chullo strings again. They guess they really do have it bad, huh.

The game system is turned off and collected neatly in it's spot under the TV stand table by the time the glow has completely faded, and Benrey is staring out the front apartment window watching cars sleepily roll along the street.

===================

It was around 8 PM by the time the front door's latch clicks softly and opened, Gordon having returned and placing the keys and shoes in their proper places. It was unnervingly dark since the lights were off, save for the luminescent one in the kitchen where he also heard soft humming. Curious, and not wanting to startle his strange roommate, he cautiously made his way past the living room and to the doorless square arch of the connected dining room and kitchen. Their back facing Gordon, Benrey sat on the inner island counter humming an unrecognizable tune. Upon further inspection, there's also several balls of light floating around them: a sort of grassy green and off-white, like the inedible edges of an orange. He fished out the phone from his pocket, making sure the flash was off before snapping a picture and repocketing it for later. Deciding to not lurk around too long like a creep, he gently knocked on the wall. 

"Hey," he said lamely, though it still made the other freeze up and grip the marbled countertop a bit harder. "I dunno if you've eaten anything yet; I was thinking about ordering some pizza anyway–" Gordon watched as Benrey attempted to swat away whatever was left of the colors, before hopping off of the counter and shoving their hands in their hoodie pocket. They looked distracted again, and pointedly looking at anything but Gordon. They wordlessly shrugged their shoulders and gently kicked their leg on the tiled floor a few times.

"’M not really hungry right now, do whatever." The short answer left Gordon a little confused, watching as they uncomfortably slipped past him to likely go back to the PlayStation. Deciding not to bug Benrey about whatever down mood they seem to be in, he made his way to the fridge to double-check that there weren't any leftovers before calling for a pizza delivery.

He was back on the couch watching Benrey play some ripoff of Pokemon (which they adamantly insist is NOT a ripoff and "Digimon is better than Pokémon, actually,") when the doorbell rang. He fished out the payment and tip he previously shoved in his sweatpants pocket, giving it to the employee at the door. Thanking them, he retreats back to the kitchen and grabs two paper plates. Benrey shuffles in a minute later, kind of like how a piece of driftwood floats along until it hits a shore. They lock eyes on the pizza box.

"Is it the good one?" They ask with absolutely no further explanation, nearly sidling up to Gordon if only to push him out of the way of food.

"Yeah. 5 meat on one side, Hawaiian on the other. Thick crust." Benrey's face scrunches up, but picks up one of the plates and slides two slices of the meat pizza onto their platter.

"Mister failman ruined a whole half of pizza again. How could you do this. Epic fail, bro. Pretty cringe." They walk off back to the living room as Gordon simply sighs.

"Hey, at least get some paper towels so you don't make a mess—" 

===================

Gordon laid on his side in his too-large bed, blinding phone in hand as he stared at his most recent text regarding the benrey kitchen photo.

**Gordon:** [attached file] What's this mean?

 **Tommy:** Grassy green to the white of a pith means I have a lot of feelings to deal with!

 **Tommy:** Are they ok? 

**Gordon:** I guess?? We had pizza and they didn't seem off when I was getting my ass handed to me in Halo.

 **Gordon:** Though I wasn't really looking that hard, that'd be weird.

 **Tommy:** Well... I can at least suggest that you do pay a little more attention? Not trying to offend I mean,,, I'm a bit worried is all :(

 **Tommy:** Please be nice to them?

 **Gordon:** ....

 **Gordon:** Sure. Probably wouldn't hurt. Thank you, Tommy.

 **Tommy:** Of course!! Anytime :)

Clicking his phone off and setting it to charge on his night stand, he pulled the covers over him a little more before finally falling asleep.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The soft drumming of the night rain kept Benrey company as they stared up at the living room ceiling. Their eyes traced subtle cracks and blemishes of the old paint, letting their mind wander a bit. After the dinner, the two sat down to play video games until Gordon realized how dark it was outside. He disappeared into his room after cleaning up in the kitchen, leaving Benrey to the couch as usual with only a blanket and throw pillows to their name. Well, not "to their name," exactly, since it still belongs to Gordon, but for now it was theirs. 

They lingered on that for a while more; Benrey doesn't own anything here, or anywhere, really. Not even Xen is "theirs", just kind of being a half home they don't want to return to. Bad memories 'n all. They also don't have a job; Gordon doesn't either, but he doesn't need one what with the hefty checks that come in his mail. Something about money being quiet. They didn't really listen. Not even the hat on their head is theirs, if Benrey wants to catagorize owning things by who bought it (it was Tommy). They won't let anyone take it from them, though, not without a fight. 

They kind of stop thinking for a while after that, shutting off their brain and only allowing the rain to come through. They stayed like that for a long time, only becoming a bit more present again when slivers of light began hitting the tan walls and the rain stopped. They think they might've even heard a couple of birds.

Aboveground truly is something to appreciate, in quiet moments like these. They idly wonder why humans take it for granted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon types with all proper grammer and punctuation and uses "....."s as a text in of itself and it is Awful  
> Tommy has the decency to at least not use periods at the end  
> He also gets to use :) and :( ,,,as a treat
> 
> Also:  
> magenta to teal: longing, emotional want  
> I will be using this guide ( https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1Y_TdePINatJlPvYI5kvA4ElPuqRgTwOiKXqckRxoM28/mobilebasic ) for most, if not almost all, of the times I'll implement Sweet Voice!  
> The doc came from this post: https://black-mesa-slut-voice.tumblr.com/post/627291885205061632/the-errantel-more-info-below-the-cut-due-to
> 
> I encourage you to check out their art if you love monster/eldritch benrey!!!!
> 
> Thank you to cryptid and malzy on discord for being my Tommy rhymers <3
> 
> New edit as of 9/17/20 (11:50 PM)  
> My desire for instant gratification will be the swift death of this fic so please bear with me as I struggle to write more than one chapter every month or so...sobs  
> and please pretty please leave a comment if you want to see more!!! You guys r my lifeblood so without it this fic will be a bust and I'll end up switching 2 a different hyperfixation,


	2. what's a little homo advice between bros?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey gets Advice™. Also, uh. Butter. Fun times! Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY WELCOME BACK WHATS UPPPP  
> I have chapter 3 in the works rn!!! School's kicking my ass ever since it became fully online but I finally managed to hit past my 1k per chap goal again !!  
> I hope u like uwu

Benrey decided to spend the day with their best bud Tommy again. In fact, they were already on his couch and petting the unfairly soft fur of Sunkist, who had her head placed on their lap. Tommy was in the kitchen, grabbing them both sodas before sitting on what little room was left on the couch.

"So, what's on your brai– your mind, Benrey?" He offers one of the cans to them, cracking open his own and chugging the whole thing in one go. Benrey stares down at their unopened soda, focusing a little too hard on the chill seeping through their fingers and going straight to the bone. They had to set it down before the feeling got too uncomfortable, promptly shrugging.

"Jus' wanna hang out with my buddy." They settle one hand on Sunkist again, the other picking idly at the fuzz on their sweatpants— another article of clothing that wasn't theirs, bought by Tommy along with the rest of Benrey's not-security-outfit clothes. They should really thank him for that. Have they already? It's slipped their mind. They hum a short, dissapointed note.

"Wanna talk it out?" He asks gently. Benrey freezes for a bit, before relaxing.

"Talk what out? I'm just vibing, bro. Dunno what you mean." Tommy sighs.

"Talk about Mr.Freeman– your roommate? I heard that he- you two played uh... played some video games?" Benrey shrugs half-heartedly at the question, avoiding Tommy's gaze.

"I mean, yeah. We did play games, it was p' cool. Dunno what you're uh, tryna get at, though. We're just chillin'." They mumble, twirling one of the chullo strings before gently pulling on both of them, letting the weight of their arms apply the slight pressure of the hat to their head. Tommy let out another vaguely frustrated but patient sigh.

"He's nice to you though, right? I know you've hav- had a crush on him from the start but, you two never really got much of a chance to... to really sort it out at the time. Even these past few months. He doesn't... Hate you, Benrey. I mean, not any– as much as before." Benrey perked up, giving him an inquisitive glance.

"How do you know that?"

"We talk, like, a lot. I may have accidentally turned into his positive venting friend after the whole ar-" Benrey gritted their teeth as Tommy quickly cut himself off. "After I, helped him out. Um." He frowned. "Sorry. I know you still feel bad about that. Gordon's making really good progress on goi- working through it though!" Benrey only felt slightly better, though the rock in their chest made itself present again. Tommy spoke up again.

"I can help you... You know. Figure it out with him. And see if he feels– likes you back or not. It's gonna take a long time, though." Benrey nodded quietly, taking a minute before replying.

"That'd be... pretty nice. Thanks."

===================

"Hey Benrey?" Gordon called out from the kitchen.

"Yuh?" Benrey turned their head lazily to the source of the voice from their melted position on the couch, some boring TV show playing quietly as background noise.

"Do you know where the four pack box of butter went?" They heard him opening the trashcan, only able to imagine his confused expression of why there's no evidence in there. Benrey went quiet for a second.

"Benrey? Oh my god, you didn't eat the whole thing, did you?" Gordon's voice became a bit panicked, causing Benrey to grimace and avert their gaze away from the kitchen. Gordon poked his head into the living room, the rest of his body following quickly after as he walked semi-quickly to the couch.

" _Benrey_ , please tell me you didn't eat the entire box of butter," He repeated, to with Benrey began fiddling with their fingers and trying to put back on their uncaring, slightly smug look.

"Lil cringeman worried? 'Fraid I can't handle some butter n' cardboard?" It spout out their mouth before they really thought much about it, eliciting a long-suffering groan from Gordon.

"No, I'm not _afraid_ you can't handle cardboard, I'm freaking out because I just _bought_ it yesterday afternoon!" He griped, throwing his hands out for dramatic affect as he spoke before crossing them for finality. It didn't have much affect on Benrey.

"Bro, chill, I'll get you some more.. uh. Later." They blew out a few blue orbs at Gordon, and he stepped aside calmly before they could reach him. He gave Benrey a confused look.

"You don't have any money. At least not that I know of?" Benrey just shrugged.

"I don't need moneys, bro. I got sick gamer hacks, don't need to, uh, do it the boring way." 

"No... You're not gonna steal, are you?" Gordon gave them an incredulous look when Benrey shrugged again. "Dude, that's illegal! What if the cops arrest you? It definitely wouldn't help that you're not human—" Benrey tensed slightly at the scenario their worried roommate was creating. They cut him off before he could panic too much about it.

"Bro, Gordos, quit freaking out. They can't do nothin to me, I'm like level 500 bro. They're probably only like, level 4. I'll be fine. Geez." Gordon stopped his ranting, his ears flushing from embarrassment. Of course they'd be fine, there's no reason for him to worry! He mentally facepalms himself.

"Right, whatever. But seriously, don't get caught. Not like I can stop you anyway." Gordon turned and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Benrey to push down the Sweet Voice burning in their throat again. Some of it still slipped through, though. They glared weakly at the pink, orange, and green blobs before grabbing and popping them all, the splattered colors quickly fading away from their hand until it was like it was never there.

===================

Benrey looked this way and that all around the grocery store, hood over their head and hands shoved in their pockets. Gordon was close by — right next to them, actually. He insisted on coming along to pay for the butter (he swore it was the only reason why), so onwards to the butter section they went. 

"Man, this place is pretty boring," Benrey commented as they looked at almost every little thing, following behind Gordon at a lazy pace.

"That's because it's a store. It's not meant to be exciting." Gordon placed the butter into the store-given hand basket. Benrey gave him a little grin.

"Hey, Feetman, check it out." He turned with a disinterested hum before seeing Benrey noclipping inside the shelf, looking out from behind products. "Boo." Gordon's eyes widened as he quickly spun his head to the ends of the isle.

"Benrey, don't do that here!" He quietly yelled, attempting to either cover up the scene with his body or pull the other out of the shelf. Benrey faked a pouty frown.

"Come on, man, just tryna have a lil fun. Boooo, party pooper." They nonchalantly left the shelf, standing next to it as though nothing happened. Gordon let out a long suffering sigh.

"Let's just buy the butter and go home. I don't have the mental capacity to deal with this right now." He walked past them. They stared at the back of his head, genuinely frowning slightly, before catching up next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink orange and green: I'm embarrassed that you care for me but I like it
> 
> I scheduled this for the 25th so I could give myself 5 extra days for both work and ideas for chapter 3, but even then it'll probably still take a while. Hopefully not as long, though!
> 
> And any comments are appreciated!! Literally any even if they're super small or like "(quote) lmao very funny/love this" etc!!! Sea u later folks ;0
> 
> Edit: ok I'm a little confused why it didn't post yesterday but it's here now!!!


	3. give benny a lil kiss kiss? as a treat?... no?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 1400 words!!! Yeehaw

"Ay bro, watch this," Benrey leaned over the back the couch where they sat, watching Gordon as he put the house keys in the bowl and kick off his shoes. He looked up to Benrey as he took off his jacket.

"What?" Benrey, now having his attention, grinned with those sharp teeth before blowing out a singular, warm orange orb. They grabbed it, using their fingers to gently indent parts of it until it forms into what looks like a brick, or a crude stapler. They let go of it, letting the Sweet Voice float weightlessly in place. Gordon raised his brows in interest before they scrunched together in confusion.

"Pretty cool, right? It's a bird." The... bird, he guessed, slowly faded into nothing, leaving him to look back to a Benrey very clearly awaiting a positive answer.

"It looks like a weird stapler." Benrey didn't seem to like that answer, visibly deflating a bit.

"No, bro, it's a bird. Look," They made another one and just pointed at the shape again, giving absolutely no further explanation. He couldn't help but do one of those nose exhale laughs, smiling slightly as he shook his own head.

"It's cool, Benrey." He said simply, watching as their pupils grew a bit wider from their slits, and they smiled. Okay, so maybe he thought it _was_ really cool (despite it obviously not being a bird) and he may have wanted to take notes on it, but just that one word seemed to affect them a lot so he kept his mouth shut. No need to go about spewing his thoughts everywhere. _But why not?_ A smaller part of Gordon's mind asked, but he was pulled from it when Benrey spoke again.

"Yeah it's no big deal, could probably do it in my sleep." They bragged. He gave them a raised-brow look.

"But you don't sleep?"

Benrey waved him off. "Yeah, but that's not the point, Stinkman." They sat back down on the couch, holding up a controller. "Wanna play Mario Kart?" Gordon sighed, walking over and sitting down next to them.

"Sure."

===================

It was hangout time with Benrey and Tommy again, Tommy rambling on about his week while Benrey tried not to zone out as they pet Sunkist on the floor. Tommy was still going on as he grabbed two sodas for them both and sat on the large couch. They seemed to have snapped back into it when they heard one of the cans being placed on the coffee table in front of him.

"But enough about me. What's, how's it going with you and Mister Freeman?" He gave a friendly smile, watching Benrey bury their face into the dog's fur as to avoid further embarrassment of being seen blushing.

"It's, uh. Going. 'S cool. Pog." Their muffled response didn't seem to deterr the other from staying on topic.

"Mhm. But more... Specifically?" Tommy was incredibly patient with his friend, letting them sit and stew in their thoughts before eventually pulling away from Sunkist. They sighed out a few magenta to teal colors, pausing before letting out a short string of grey and white. Tommy nodded, bringing back up his rhymes in his head. Magenta to teal means a certain someone has a lot of appeal, and dove grey to white like a wedding means I appreciate you helping. The former one's rhyme doesn't exactly align with the true meaning, but it's harder to rhyme with teal sometimes. And it's close enough.

"Dunno what else, really. Can't get a read on him?" They added, Tommy leaning back in his seat.

"You tried flirting with him before and he saw that. Why not try again? Maybe without the stress of– of trying to escape, he'll actually process it? I hope. Humans can be a little weird and thick." That last sentence Tommy mumbled to himself in genuine thoughtfulness, and Benrey nodded sagely.

"Yeah, bro. Agree with you there. Humans _are_ weird." Benrey finally opened their offered soda, sucking up the entire contents in one go. They ate the can as well. "I kinda stopped the flirting cuz I didn't wanna... Push 'im too much. Plus it's not really a pro gamer move to, uh. Try to flirt when he's still getting over... Stuff." They smacked their lips before the last word, before falling silent in contemplation. Tommy set down his empty can on the table after downing it, watching Benrey resume petting his very happy dog.

"It's been a while. I know Mister Freeman is going to therapy, still, and- and it's been quite a few months. Has he warmed up to you, yet?" Benrey shrugged lightly, laying their head back on Sunkist as they pet her. Her tail is wagging calmly.

"He's been nice. Doesn't yell really. I don't tease him too much just in case. Less stress? It's a cool." They paused, before nuzzling their head on the dog's fur for a second. "I could try flirting again. Yeah... Yeah. Get the gamer strats goin'. Gonna, uh. Gonna speedrun it, one hundred percent round. Aiming for world record." Tommy smiled as Benrey went on, only adding in a piece of advice when he thinks they're done.

"Please don't speedrun flirting with Mister Fe- Freeman. That stuff takes a while." Benrey nodded.

"Yeah, no worries. I'll put the strats away. Light the slow burnin' candle."

"Slow burning candle?" Tommy raised a brow with an amused smile.

"Yeah bro. Slowburn." They grinned.

===================

Gordon was filing through extremely boring adult responsibility mail, sitting at the dining room table shoved sort of half-hazardly to a wall, but the rest of the chairs were tucked in neatly. Benrey, meanwhile, was sitting primly on top of the table, right beside all the papers and mail. They had borrowed Gordon's phone — well, really Benrey asked if he was using it, and upon hearing the word "no" they took the phone and proceeded to avoid Gordon's attempts to grab it back until he gave up. They were pretty dissapointed that there weren't any decent games on it; just Sudoku, whatever "black" was, Cut the Rope, and something called hocus. Benrey opened their mouth with a smack to comment on this objectively awful selection.

"All your game choices are pretty suck, bro." Gordon sighs through his nose, setting down his pen to hold his head in his hands.

"That's because it's my phone, not yours —do you even have a phone?" Gordon cut himself off, turning his now perked head to Benrey in confusion, but then several different explainations why Benrey doesn't have a phone popped into his head. Too late though, oh well.

"Nah. Also you should uhh, download Subway Surfers. Way better than Sudoku or, uh, red. Why do you have a color game? Little baby game." Gordon shook his head.

"I'm not gonna download Subway Surfers, it's not even that fun. It's brain-melting and Sudoku obviously keeps the mind sharp. And it's relaxing." He waved a hand at them dismissively, turned back to his taxes. "They're all puzzle games. Maybe you should try them." Benrey frowned.

"C'mon, broo. You're sounding like a, uh, a boring dad. Oh wait, you are. Lol." He glanced back at them incredulously.

"Did you just say 'ell oh ell' out loud?" Benrey shrugged.

"I can say it like 'lawl' if its too much for your little baby brain to handle."

"No," Gordon shook his head adamantly. "No, that's worse. That's so much worse." Benrey grinned, smug. "Whatever man, just let me focus on what I'm doing."

"Booo. Gordon Boreman. Can't have any fun around here, just weird papers. Boring baby hours."

Gordon groaned. "I'm not a baby, and I'm not- _boring._ It's my phone and I can have what I want in it." Benrey smirked.

"What, you mad? Little Gordos upset that he can't handle a lil criticism? Want a, uh- need a lil smooch on the head, little babyman? A mini kiss kiss on the cheek?" He flustered at that, quickly scowling like a child repulsed about getting cooties.

"I don't want a kiss, especially not from _you._ Leave me alone, Benrey, I'm busy." Benrey's smile fell, fiddling with their hands for a minute. Did they mess up already? Maybe they picked the wrong time. They got off of the table and left to the living room with a hopefully indifferent-sounding "whatever." Maybe next time will work? Yeah. They heard Gordon sigh with relief as they picked up the PlayStation controller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay ayy it's finally up!!!  
> This one's actually been finished for quite a while but I have absolutely nothing for chapter 4 so I decided whatever with the buffer chapter stuff  
> If u wanna give me ideas for the next chapter feel free bc it's like a desert up in this brain square bros


	4. my minecraft bed next 2 urs ;0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minecwaft,,,, and feelings,,,,  
> AKA the chapter that'll make me have to add some kind of hurt/comfort tag but it's really lowkey benreys jusr Thinkign and Gordon had a bad day

"Hey Gordos, look, look," The two roommates were on the couch, playing Minecraft together on the splitscreen. Benrey pointed at their side of the screen, showing two beds placed next to each other in an empty field. One of them was colored white, while the other was blue. Benrey still had some of the dye left over in their hotbar.

"Did- you got rid of my spawn point, man.." Gordon's player ran up to the two beds and broke the white one, picking it up. Benrey was pretty dismayed from this.

"Nooo, brooo... I can't believe this, Gordon doesn't want his bed next to mine. Unpog. Gamer Fail." They went on as Gordon rolled his eyes, picking up Benrey's bed as well.

"We have two houses we literally built for the beds and stuff, Benrey. You were the one so intent on making your own dirt home." His character ran inside his basic wooden house, turning around to check if Benrey was following. They were, and their character was standing in the doorway. Sulking. "Here," Gordon placed down his bed, then Benrey's right next to it. His character turned around to the door.

Their eyes were practically sparkling. They walked over to the two beds, jumping and crouching on their own. "Yooo, Gordon Bedman. Moved In in Minecraft _and_ real life. Cool." They more or less rambled on, but Gordon just left the house to grab some food from the local village. He always replaces the seeds, unlike a certain someone else.

"Could you try to find some cows for me and lead them to the fenced area?" Gordon has been wanting to make the cake for a while, mostly just because it was fun and he wasn't the kind of player to try to go straight for the ender dragon. He wanted to take his time, have fun. Not go to the Nether. Or the End. Just... Stay on the surface. Surface good.

"Sure thing, Cowman." They set off with two leads and at least five wooden swords, which definitely weren't there a minute ago. He guessed they crafted it all from the nearby trees. 

===================

Gordon dropped his keys into the bowl with a rather depressing clatter, more or less shuffling his way over to his room as he passed by a confused Benrey on the couch.

"What's up, bro? The bad vibes get you again?" Their brows pushed down with worry as Gordon brushed them off and continued to his room. Benrey quickly followed suit, not even bothering to pause their game. "Bro...?"

"Not right now, Benrey. Go away." He closed his door in front of the other, leaving them rather perturbed and standing dumbly in the hallway. What happened? They stood in front of the door for a while, like a sad dog. They considered noclipping into the room, but decided against it. Something Tommy said about how people like to be isolated in a room sometimes. It didn't make much sense to them; why would you purposefully make yourself alone? Alone is sad and stewing in the unknown with cold walls, and it wasn't nice at all. Why would people want that?

They were about to knock on the door, but it opened before their hands even touched the wood. Gordon had a blanket wrapped around him and a rather dejected look on his face. It was only temporarily replaced by mild surprise from them still standing there, before turning to an uncomfortable silence. Benrey opened their mouth to say something, but was cut off.

"The sweet voice thing. Does it do other emotions besides calm?" Okay, that was new. They blinked, caught off guard.

"I- uh, yeah. I got others- other uhh, soda flavors. Got the extended soft drink dispenser of feelings, all stocked up." They might've gotten a bit of Tommy rubbing off on them, especially recently since most of the time he goes on about a Darnold Pepper that only vaguely sounds familiar to them. Gordon gave them a weird look they didn't understand.

"Is there like a- a calm happy, or something, in there? Or whatever?" They nodded.

"Yeah bro, I got a few." Benrey paused, thinking. "Want some?"

Gordon nodded similarly, but quickly tacked on " _Don't-_ don't make it weird, though." Benrey smiled.

"You're the one making it weird, feetman. Close your eyes. No eye goop." Though extremely baffled by whatever Benrey just said, he let out a defeated sigh and closed his eyes. Shortly after, he heard the low toned harmonizing of the sweet voice. Immediately following that, there was gentle orblike bumping and splatters on his cheek, like getting splashed with water that smelled faintly of honey. It was actually incredibly soothing, and he can feel the previously unnoticed tension seep out of his shoulders like loosened dirt. The grip on his blanket was weakening, but still draped securely over his shoulders.

"Thanks." He said simply, opening his eyes once there was nothing more bumping into his cheek. The smell only lingered as long as the orbs did, their soft golden glow soon dissappating into nothingness. Benrey looks proud of themself, but not in a boisterous or in-your-face way. They looked to be holding back a more genuinely happy smile, but it's clearly not working so well. 

"No more sad? Gordos okay now? Feel better?" They spouted off like the door to their mouth sprung a leak, but stopped when he nodded. Their eyes practically lit up.

"Gordon okay now, yeah," he parroted back, his own smile beginning to grow a bit. He was still really tired, though. "Gordon need nap. I'll be out of commission for a few hours." Benrey nodded a bit vigorously at that, letting him close the door again. They heard his footsteps and the flop onto his bed, quickly walking back to the couch and laying down before spilling out an entire array of pink and blue up at the ceiling. The colors hung like a two-toned starry sky as they stared up at it, feeling the heat on their cheeks and just smiling like a fool.

===================

The rain poured outside again, and Benrey watched as the droplets raced each other to the bottom of the living room window. Another calm day; a saturday, they think. Gordon was talking about how saturday was going to be a busy day for him and he wouldn't come back to the house for hours. They sighed, fogging up a spot on the glass and finger drawing a little stick man of you-know-who. They surrounded it in simple flower doodles, watching as it slowly faded away.

Benrey still doesn't like being alone, especially not in the cold. They were thankful for the AC, or whatever was making the rooms a cozy warmth, but the only thing that kept them company was the rain and overplayed videogames. And the borrowed sweater that they found and refused to give back, even if it wasn't much of an argument and they were let go scot-free. But the silence gave them too much time to think. Too much time to get stuck in their memories, especially the ones before they dressed as a security guard and slipped into anonymity. Took the guy's face and everything. The skin didn't fit quite right for the first week, but they got used to it. It was better than being stuck in that cold, awful—

They ran their nails down the window, letting it break their thoughts with the high squealing. It hurt their ears a bit, sure, but it worked as a distraction just fine. They can repair the damaged eardrums no problem. Besides, they wouldn't have to deal with Black Mesa again. They were far away from New Mexico, and nobody was coming for them. They barely even noticed Benrey got out, of course the people wouldn't come after them. Too much in disarray from the Cascade anyway. Right? Benrey pushed themself from the window sill and paced around the house. Where was that extra phone again...? They're still surprised he bought a second one, and deflected when they asked if it was because they didn't have one. They appreciated the sentiment, though. Ah, there it is! They picked up the funky little rectangle from the dining room table and clicked on the bar labeled "Tommy C." The phone only rang once before his voice came through.

"Hello?" He came through tinny, but it was still relief to their self-torturous mind.

"Yoo, it's Benreyy. I'm, uh... It's too quiet here." They held the phone to their ear with one hand, the other grabbing and fiddling with the hem of the sweater.

"You're at ho- the, the house, right? Want me to come over?" Tommy understands. He always does. It's like a secret pact they've both kept ever since they've met. He never brings up the past, either. It's like he's an angel or something.

"...Yeah." 

"Okay, I'm bringing Sunkist too." Tommy's side had bits of noise slipping through since that. Door opening, keys, dog barking, car unlock, door again. More barks. Some kind of click. "You're on speaker now."

Benrey and Tommy filled the rest of the waiting with random conversation, whatever they could think of until Benrey heard his car outside and unlocked the front door for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Holds Benrey's entire backstory behind curtains] uhhh no peeking unless u want to get emotionally destroyed,,,,, too much angst 4 a fluff story u only get a lil teeny peek to keep it spicy
> 
> Honeyed gold means I hope you are consoled (it could also mean you are a sight to behold if the tone is high instead of low)  
> You already know what pink to blue is. I mean seriously look at this lovestruck buffoon


	5. yo is that HANDHOLDING? is that allowed???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gordon spouts about his school life twice, and Benrey is just living the gay handholding dream. Poggers  
> Also slight warning for Benrey being really uncomfortable in public places but it's ok gordos is there 2 make them feel safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOO longass chapter bros!!!! Gosh dang!!!! The wordcount hit a whopping 2553 words! Love wins  
> AND also 1k reads!!!! well 999 but 1k soon  
> Also instead of working on the shopping scene like I should've I went off and wrote a medical trauma nightmare hurt/comfort scene so 😳 if you like angst in slightly more vivid detail than thoughts, I might put it in chapter 7 or put it separately bc I apparently am a hypocrite when it comes to saying "only fluff"  
> I'll add on proper warnings and if you don't like angst at all just be careful in ur search for the comfort part or (though it pains me to say this) skip the whole thing— tho if none y'all want it I will exclude it from the story

Suprisingly, today Gordon has invited Benrey to the local arcade, saying something about how he recently found it but the place was shutting down soon due to lack of popularity. 

"Whuh- really? Gordos Gamerman wants to show off his skills in Donkey Kong? Gonna beat the high score in Pacman?" They looked up from their spot on the couch, just in time to see Gordon rolling his eyes. He was definitely smiling the tiniest bit, though.

"Sure. I actually used to be the school champion of Donkey Kong when I was in middle school. Greatest two years of my education days." He stood proudly, but Benrey just laughed. They didn't mock him, though, so he guessed it wasn't out of malice. "Anyway, wanna come? It's only a few blocks away, we can walk."

They nodded and got up. When they both reached the first crosswalk, Benrey noticed an old couple hold hands when crossing, and the sight printed itself into their mind. The two old people looked so happy.

Each crossing after that, Benrey couldn't keep themself from glancing down at Gordon's hand.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Benrey stared up at the illuminated sign, the words yelling out in bold letters 'JERRY'S ARCADE ARENA'. A couple of the letters weren't shining, and the J looked to have been broken by a stone or other projectile. Gordon opened the door.

"Coming in? Or you gonna ogle at the sign all day?" He teased, Benrey turning their attention back to the door.

"Huh?" They didn't let Gordon reply to that, though, quickly walking in after it registered a few seconds too late. He followed suit.

"Pretty cool, huh? It's got all the classics, and even some obscure stuff." Did he point it out because he knew they liked lesser known games? Or was that just a boast? They didn't ask, immediately overcome with how crowded it was. People and a few shadowy lookin' figures around the place. The figures looked pretty thin. Skeletal. Not familiar, though.

"You said it wasn't popular," they reverted to monotone. Gordon walked up next to them with a confused look.

"It isn't? There's not that many people here. Like 20 tops, probably." He looked around. It wasn't that sparse. There was maybe five people currently in sight, but the skeletons were everywhere. They guessed he just couldn't see them, like last time. Benrey blinked before shrugging their shoulders, seemingly pulled out of whatever froze them.

"Whatever, where's DK? I wanna see if you still got the gamer moves." They stuck close to Gordon, Benrey maneuvering around the skeletons, while he passed right through a few on his way to the Donkey Kong cabinet. Gordon stopped in front of the machine, a confused and slightly offended skeleton backing away from the controls to phase out of him. The bones walked away with a huff of dark blue. Benrey had to refocus on what Gordon was saying, looking back to see he was inserting a coin.

"-best at this in middle school. Beat all the snarky little kids who thought they were all cool. There was a group that kept up their high score on this game, but I blew 'em outta the water and they got _so_ mad." Gordon chuckled. They watched his eyes crinkle and the way his smile pushed up his cheeks and ears, and it scrunched his nose a bit. It was so genuine. They were blown away every time. "The leader of the group figured out it was me and whined about his ruined score. Tried to shake me for lunch money like some kind of child movie antagonist. Long story short, he ended up with a bruised eye and I left scot-free with only a couple scrapes. Group never bothered me again." Gordon never looked over to Benrey as he went on, too focused on telling his story as he began playing.

Benrey was definitely staring by now. He pushed the buttons and moved the joystick around with complete concentration, the silence between the two filled by the overhead funky music. They leaned against the side of the machine and watched the little eyebrow quirks and the way his eyes flit around the screen. Benrey could probably wax poetic about Gordon's eyes, something something emeralds or grass. A few lines about his face being really cool or whatever. They'd probably need help from Tommy for that, though, so instead they just appreciated it for what it was and let it be. The eventual game over noise pulled him back to the realm of reality, locking eyes on his roommate.

"Your pupils are huge, dude. You good?" The hint of amusement and the voice took Benrey down from their staring, blinking a couple of times and standing upright.

"Wha?" Then they quickly added, "W- yeah, I'm cool. What score you got, gamer guy?" They tilted their head to the screen. His was in 3rd place, at 59,100, under GOR.

1ST 76,600 HAM

2ND 70,300 CAL

3RD 59,100 GOR

4TH 57,400 RLM

5TH 41,700 SGO

Benrey glanced from the scoreboard to Gordon. "Third place, huh? Thought you said you were a uh, high score gamer. Beating all the scores." Gordon scoffed light-heartedly, rolling his eyes for emphasis.

"The only ones who played that machine were little kids with scores that barely ever went past two thousand. I'm already impressed I made it to the leaderboard here; haven't played in forever." He smiles, caught up again at how he made it to third pretty easily. They swallow down a bunch of pink and blue, opting to cross their arms and only speaking up when they felt it wouldn't spill sweet voice everywhere.

"Lemme try," they said. Gordon stepped aside for Benrey, with the added hand gesture of 'go for it.' 

Suffice to say, Benrey did not make it on the scoreboard. They both eventually go home, Benrey somehow managing to convince Gordon that it was of utmost importance they held hands while crossing each street. Safety is important! 

===================

Today was pretty quiet. Benrey was chilling on the living room couch as always, watching blankly as Scary Movie played. It was recommended by Tommy when they asked what kind of spooky movies they could watch without possibly sending Gordon into a panic attack, and even then Benrey only hit play after making sure Gordon wasn't home. He didn't need to get extra stress from corny screams echoing the walls. Unfortunately, Gordon wasn't gone as long as Benrey anticipated, causing them to scramble and exit the movie when they heard the front door unlocking and opening. The TV screen sat quietly on the Netflix title screen, with the slowly changing images of the preview.

"Uhh hey, Failman... What's up..?" Lip smack, "Got here a bit earlier than... expected." Benrey put on his usual apathetic face, earning an eyeroll from Gordon.

"I _live_ here, dude. We both live here. It's been nearly seven months, Benrey." He sighed and sat down on the couch a respective distance away, despite how said couch was more of a slightly longer loveseat. Haha. Loveseat. Wait what—

Gordon glanced at the TV, recognition igniting in his eyes. "Hey, I know that one." He said, actually kinda fondly. Benrey raised a brow, focused on his face.

"You do?"

"Yeah! I watched it when I was a lot younger, with a bunch of highschool friends. It was a pretty fun time." Gordon nodded, sporting a slight, nostalgic smile. Benrey pulled their chullo down by the strings to hide their warming face in the artificial shadow.

"That's pretty, uh, pretty lame, bro." They spouted without thinking, to which Gordon crossed his arms.

"It's not lame." He said with finality, dropping the two in relative silence aside from outside traffic. Benrey finally spoke up.

"I'm kinda... in the middle of watching it, bro. You don't wanna like, leave? Or something?" They asked hesitantly, but he only gave them a suspicious look.

"Am I not allowed to watch nostalgic scary movies? Don't want me on my own couch?" He retorted, and Benrey quickly shook their head.

"Nah, Cringeman, I was just.. lil baby Gordos probably to scared to watch spooky movies. Didn't think you'd willingly wanna go big yikes mode or whatever." They tried brushing it off like he was just a nuisance, but even Gordon could tell what they actually meant. Sort of.

"I'm not gonna panic over Scary Movie. It's too corny and dumb." He sternly replied. Benrey hummed non-committally.

"Okay. If you get too much of a baby about it and wanna hold my hand cuz it's too spooky I won't judge. Don't say I didn't warn you, tho'." Gordon's ears reddened a bit, but he refused to comment further as Benrey hit play on the remote sitting on the armrest near them.

Despite still not being scared (Gordon swears the jolts aren't because he's getting jumpscared occasionally, but because he's just...got good reflexes? Don't ask him), Gordon's hand does eventually make it onto Benrey's after a particularly nastier jump. His whole hand was just kinda slightly gripping Benrey's, but they moved it so their fingers intertwined. They couldn't resist the slight grin that was threatening to become a huge dumb smile. Benrey gave Gordon's hand a gentle squeeze, which was sort of mindlessly returned until they saw his whole face flush red. He didn't retract his hand, though, instead focusing as much as he could on the TV in front of him. Benrey counts this as a success, though.

Only after the movie was rolling it's credits did either of them acknowledge the contact with words. Or- well, Benrey acknowledged it, while Gordon made up an excuse to escape to his room. They let out a defeated sigh, hearing the distant click of the closed door.

Meanwhile, Gordon was trying to piece the mental puzzle together. He eventually came to the conclusion that surely it's just platonic, there's nothing to freak out about, and Benrey just likes the contact in a reassuring friend way. Right? But what about all the other flirting times back in–? He heaved out a breath. This is gonna be a long, thought-filled night.

===================

Gordon's at the store again, and this is the second time he's brought Benrey along. The reasoning behind this is three things: one, Tommy's out with his dad for the week—which confused Gordon as to how that was important, until Benrey explained that they would almost always hang out with Tommy until Gordon's back— two, Bubby and Coomer are lovely and all but simply entering either house is walking right into two different types of utter chaos, and three, Benrey says they don't want to be alone in his home. He noticed how genuinely... upset? they were about it, at least body language-wise, even if they covered it up with nonsense like it didn't actually matter that much. So here they both were, parked and walking up to the front of the large Walmart.

He could already sense the tension emanating from Benrey, and reached for their hand. Nothing strange, just making a friend—they were friends at this point, surely, right?— feel safe. They seemed to relax more already, though they were looking at some specific strangers for a while longer than others. The apathetic façade was in full force, a little too similar to some memories he'd still like to forget. The two were getting weird looks from the occasional older people. He ignored them.

"Benrey?" Their sunglasses-covered slitted eyes snapped to his, holding back from blowing any sweet voice right into his face. It would be funny, though. Maybe. Or maybe it would be rude. 

"Huh?" Their response was pretty delayed, but they didn't wait for an answer before tugging a bit on his hand torward the open doors. "C'mon, Boredon Slowman, let's _goooo_. I got the list, let's get in 'n out faster than the uhh.. the fast food restaurant. Speedrun the shop level." Gordon barely shook his head in premature exhaustion and began walking inside. He grabbed a cart on the way in, and Benrey pulled out a piece of paper from their pocket.

"We got uhh... bread, milk, orange jorce-"

"Juice," Gordon interrupted, pushing the cart around the isles one-handed. The other hand was still occupied with holding Benrey's.

"Orange juss," they smirked, continuing after earning his sigh. "And some uh, looks like a trip to the meat section. Don't got these chompers artificially." They had some more things on the list, but instead shoved the paper back into their pocket. They used their now free hand to readjust their chullo further down their face. It did nothing to increase or lessen the near-solid shadow persistently over their eyes.

They hated the stares they were getting from passerbys. Most of it was confused glances, but the ones that looked for longer than usual made their skin crawl. Didn't the people know it's rude to stare? At least the glasses are helping them from getting overwhelmed by the overhead fluorescents, and additionally making their pupils more round to take in more light. Helped them look more human. The skin wasn't too much of a problem, at least; Benrey made sure to shift it to something more flushed and alive, instead of cold and sort of dull. They didn't understand why their disguise still drew attention. They felt a gentle squeeze on their hand, blinking and finding themself in the deli isle. The groceries they listed were already in the cart.

"You said you needed meat. I won't pick for you, so go ahead." Gordon's words passed through the fog in their head, taking a second to register. They looked lost.

"Huh? Yeah- okay." They stepped up to the selection, grabbing certain items with one hand and taking multiple short trips placing it all in the cart. There were a few times where Gordon had to switch out certain meats for others, be it because of price, sell by date, or just general 'this looks more bang for the buck' while still having it be similar to what they picked. He obviously wasn't too pushy with it, though—just enough that it was more efficient shopping— and Benrey didn't mind since he was the one paying for it.

Eventually they both got through the rest of the list, pulling up to a line for a cashier. Each one was full, and their current line looked to be the shortest.

It was more than a relief exiting the store and loading in the groceries to the car. Benrey wanted nothing more than to noclip halfway into their seat, but they helped pack everything in instead and followed Gordon as he returned the cart to its proper area. They drive home and put everything away, leaving Benrey to relax their nerves while playing on the PS4. Gordon sat nearby and was trying his best not to backseat game. All in all? It wasn't the worst day. 7/10. Could've gone better, but without Gordon there it would've easily been a -40/10. Not fun. 

They accidentally got a game over screen mid quicktime event, too busy thinking about their roommate. Gordon makes a witty comment. Things are alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huff of dark blue means I'm not happy at you  
> Pink to blue (again) means I'm in love with you (haha corny nerd)
> 
> Can you tell I've never played Donkey Kong nor have I ever fully seen Scary Movie? I'm blind here guys smh  
> Also whoever can guess the Easter Egg name in the DK scores gets a fish point :) or if you want you can give a suggestion for the next chapter! Hint: it's the 2nd place one you gotta guess (and yes the others are also easter eggs but they're a lot more personal funsies: my hopeful-2-be initials, an ocs initials, ham bc,,,, ham, yknow fun stuff)  
> Please practice self care!! Thank u all for reading!!


	6. Whaaat??? Gordon Niceman???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HI SORRY IM HERE AUGHHG!!!!! This one's 2591 words long so I hope it makes up for the absence!!!! I'm not sure if I'll be able to do the 3 section things like I usually do if it hits above 1.5k again but I'll try my best ya? Anyway!!! Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I look at my story summary I cringe but I still don't know how to fix it so it flows smoother,,, yikes  
> Can u tell I'm making up plot just as messily as (if not more so than) the rtvs crew themselves gosh.. . ,, stares sadly at my plotholes and weird time stuff  
> Also!! Yeehaw movie time wheee

Tommy has invited the Science Team to the movie theater today, and the electronic invite was even extended to Benrey. Why were they confused about that? Well- they weren't technically "officially" a Science Team member, though it might've been honorary for the first while. They stewed in their thoughts, running their thumb back and forth over the smooth grip of the PlayStation controller. The texts from the new group chat stared at Benrey. They stared back.

**Tommy C.** has added **H. Coomer, Bubby, Gordon F., +1-[###-####], [###-####]** to the chat

 **Tommy C.:** It's been a while since we've had a group get-together, so I'd like to invite you all to Cinemark in [_________] this weekend! A Science Team reunion of sorts!

 **Bubby:** It's only been three weeks

 **H. Coomer:** Now Bubby, to some people that's a long time to not visit friends in a group! 

**Bubby:** Who's the unregistered number anyway?

 **Tommy C.:** Oh, that's Mister Freeman's extra phone. Benrey usually uses it, and I would like to invite them as well! :)!

 **[###-####]:** Isn't that the security guy that deleted all my soda data for a pyro update

 **Tommy C.:** Yeah!!!

 **[###-####]:** Hello! You're lucky I had a backup flashdrive, Benrey

The conversation went on for a while more, neither Gordon nor Benrey typing anything into the chatroom. Gordon was at least busy sleeping, they think. They don't actually remember if he was here or not. Benrey was just letting the TV play in the background so they'd feel less alone — Tommy was out again for a few days, so they're in a sort of uncomfortable predicament again — and staring at the phone. They should type something, probably.

**+1-[###-####]** is typing...

What would they even say? They haven't really talked to anyone except for Tommy for who knows how long, only really existing around the group in the occasional meets. Sure, they've talked to Bubby and Coomer, but despite that every conversation felt awkward and uncomfortable to Benrey. It's been, what, seven months already? and they still felt like they were being looked at like "the final boss" instead of "fellow gamer". Maybe it was just them. They had no way of telling. They also don't want to bring it up with Tommy, either. He's a great friend, but not a counselor or therapist or whatever. He doesn't need to deal with every problem Benrey comes across.

Damn, maybe they do need a therapist. Wait- no. They can't vent any of their problems without having to explain Black Mesa, then having to explain they aren't human, and don't even _get_ them started on the shit that happened before they stole the first security body. That's a box that nobody wants to open.

Their eyes flick down to the screen again.

**H. Coomer:** Hello, Boper! It's always nice to see a familiar face.

 **Bubby:** I'm saving you to my contacts, benrey. Don't spam me

They haven't even typed anything yet! They set down the phone, watching a few more texts pop up. Okay, think, think...

They pick up the phone again.

**+1-[###-####]:** yoo party in the movie place gonna raise the roof

A genius, Benrey. Perfect amount of chill while still being on topic and showing just a bit of excitement. They won't even have to type anything after that, if it plays out well. They give themself a mental pat on the back before seeing Gordon in the corner of their eye. He was tiredly shuffling in from the hallway to the kitchen, looking for breakfast. A bit of relief arrived at the answer to their previous question of being alone.

"Yo, Gordon. There's a group chat going on. Tommy invited the Science Team to watch some cool movies 'n stuff." They turned on the PlayStation, failing to elaborate when Gordon's half-awake "huh?" carried into the living room. He sighed, eventually pulling up the chat himself after eating some eggs and nearly burnt toast.

===================

Benrey and Gordon exited his car, parked next to Tommy's in the movie theater lot. The two approached the rest of the Science Team near the front entrance. Benrey waved enthusiastically at their tallest member of the group, who cut himself off from his similarly enthusiastic conversation with a less familiar person to glance at Benrey from the corner of his eye.

"Tommy!!!" They shouted as they crossed the street, the tone very familiar and startlingly deep. Tommy waved back, along with Bubby and Coomer. 

"Hi Benrey! Glad you could both make it!" Benrey went into a crash-landing hug, but Tommy happily absorbed the impact without even staggering. Gordon waved a hello to everyone. Coomer smiled toothily. Darnold shifted his weight from one leg to another, close behind Tommy. He gave Benrey and Gordon a nervous but welcoming smile.

"Hello Gordon and Bumble! It's always nice to see a familiar face around." Coomer greeted with his signature smile again. Bubby crossed his arms, lingering impatiently between Coomer and the front door.

"We paid for all the tickets before you got here, let's go already." Bubby urged. Coomer gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"Professor B-"

" _Doctor,_ " He corrected, but Coomer didn't pause his sentence for even a second.

"-ubby is right! If we go now we can make it to our seats in roughly ten minutes!" He cheerfully said. Benrey finally unlatched from Tommy and rummaged through their hoodie pocket. It made a funny shaking noise.

"Yeah bro, don't even gotta go through the uh, the food booths 'n popcorns. Speedrun right past it and still have some snacks for everyone." They grinned. Tommy glanced from the pocket to the reception booth, back to Benrey.

"I don't- I'm not sure if that's allowed, Benrey. What if we get in trouble?" His hands are clasped worriedly together. Benrey shrugs. Gordon speaks up.

"It's cool, I've done this a lot. Just act casual and don't have your stuff sticking out too obviously. Ninety percent of the time the staff don't really care anyway, so it's pretty easy as long as you throw your trash in the right bins when you're done." They all soon agreed, and made their way inside.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The whole Team (plus one) was sat on one row, from left to right: Bubby, Coomer, Darnold, Tommy, Benrey, Gordon. Gordon and Benrey have revealed the snacks they bought at a store on the way over, sharing the goods with each member. The movie was starting.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

It was quite a while in before Benrey just couldn't keep their focus on the huge screen, constantly glancing over to look at Gordon when he reacts to the scenes. Seriously, there was something weirdly entrancing about it. They couldn't figure out why, aside from the fact they have a massive crush on the guy. Unfortunately, they were caught in the act after a point, and Gordon gave them a puzzled look. Benrey lifted their hand from the elbow, palm facing inwards but leaned torwards him. He quizzically offered his snack out to the raised hand, but Benrey shook their head. They grabbed their own hand in demonstration and let go. The lights went off in his head, promptly rolling his eyes and taking hold of Benrey's hand. Their face flushed pretty quickly, smiling slightly to themself as both hands' fingers interlocked. Benrey stared directly at the movie screen, but their thoughts were way off into cloud world. If Gordon noticed, he didn't say anything about it. There was a repressed smile on his lips, though.

===================

Gordon had one of those vague nightmares again. It kept plaguing him, but at least over the months it's gotten less scary and specific. He doesn't even think Benrey was in it this time, being the aggressor. They actually have been turning more into the helpful side-character, or just some cameo with the others in the distance. Most of the time in his nightmares he was alone, though.

Even though Gordon didn't remember the nightmare this time, the sense of dread and the adrenaline wearing down were still very much real and present. He had to sit in his bed, his hand resting on his right arm, practicing the breathing exercise his therapist taught him. There was a gentle knock on the door.

"You chillin'?" The muffled voice of his roommate filtered in. Gordon let out a small, soft sigh.

"Yeah." A pause.

"Can I open the door please?" Huh?

"Sure...?" He watched the door open, revealing Benrey standing there in their baggy sweatpants and a big shirt for- well, probably not sleeping, but just for comfort in the night hours, he guessed. Benrey made no move to approach, fiddling quietly with their fingers and hands. Gordon should get them something for that. Not- not in a rude way, he means well-

"You sure you're cool? Grade-A coolest? Uh, top- top notch...?" Benrey only insisted because they know that the 'vibes' on him was definitely the sign of 'just woke up in fear'. Not that they'd explain that. 

Gordon thought about it for a while.

"No... But I'll be cool in a minute." A long pause settled over the two, Benrey shifting the weight on their legs.

"Wanna hug? To feel better faster?" Their cat-like reflective eyes shined at him when he shifted, sitting up more. Another interesting discovery, but one that was less surprising. Figures they would be able to see in the dark if they had the slit-eye thing going on. He shrugged, ever so minutely.

"Sure. Yeah." He watched them shuffle across the room, slipping easily into his open arms. He rests his head on their shoulder, and they lean their head on his. It was... really, really comforting, actually. Gordon was actually impressed by just how nice it felt. He felt kinda bad they were just standing at the edge of his bedframe, but inviting them to, to sit down, hold him longer- 

Gordon casually pulls away, hoping against everything that his burning ears and cheeks aren't visible. What was he thinking? They're just friends, and even though he's forgiven Benrey like he has with Bubby, his intrusive thoughts — because that's surely what they are, the vivid image of cuddling with them can't be more than the affection-seeking part of his brain going haywire — just won't settle down as of recently. Besides, Benrey probably just jokes around with that kind of stuff—

"You sure you're good, bro?" They looked directly into his eyes. It was intense, actually pretty disarming; but it didn't really feel like an attack. He thinks he can recall something about how 'eyes are the windows to the soul' or something, despite not really knowing if he agrees with it.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'm going back to sleep now." He looked away, scooting further into his bed. Benrey got the hint and backed off, idly grabbing fistfuls of their sweatpants. He's reminded of the shopping idea again.

"G'night." They were at the door by now.

"Night." 

The door softly closed, listening to their footsteps grow distant before he slipped under the covers and willed himself to sleep as hard as he could. He ended up staying awake for another hour and a half, ordering a few fidget toys before finally passing out.

===================

Gordon sets his keys in the bowl, holding the package as his eyes land on Benrey. They were looking directly at the box in his hands.

"Whatcha, uh.. got there, bud? Top secret? Might have to see your permission slip for that." They were already leaning over the back of the couch, before changing their mind and standing up to confront him directly. He couldn't help but crack a grin.

"Guess you're just gonna have to confiscate it, because I don't have a permission slip." He held out the box a bit for them, catching Benrey by surprise, but they quickly recovered. 

"Uh," They took it, inspecting the cardboard from all angles as the contents rattled around.

"You wanna open it or stare at the packaging all day?" He crossed his arms, smiling.

"Yeah yeah, gimme a sec. S'like, gotta- uh. Making sure it's safe. Standard procedure." Benrey eventually set it down on the coffee table, opening up the top and pulling out the contents. They stare at each item, fiddling around with some of them, clicking and rolling and squishing. Gordon sat down next to them on the couch, pointing at and naming each object.

"That's a fidget cube, that one had a really long name but it's basically a rubber pom ball, those are just some smooth stress balls of varying tensions, I actually bought a whole pack of the squishy seals so we could share, and that one is-"

"Weird controller," Benrey interrupted, picking up the fidget pad. To be fair, Gordon did see that toy and also immediately thought 'looks like a weird video game controller', so they're definitely on the same page.

"Yeah. Looked at a couple video reviews and thought it was neat. It's called a fidget pad." He watched them mess with every little thing on it, then switching to the cube and comparing the similarities in their head. They seemed to like certain parts more than others for both. Gordon picked up one of the little seals and squished it between his thumb and index finger. It was nice.

"Whatcha gonna do with all of em?" They kept idly messing with the cube, sometimes switching to a different item like the pom ball and picking at it, or a few seals and pulling or smushing them. It definitely had a positive effect on them.

"They're yours. Well- I'm keeping a couple of the seals, but there's like eight of them so it's not that big a deal." Benrey paused. They glanced up from picking at one of the rubber strings of the ball, eyebrows raised.

"W-wait, you got these for _me?_ You aren't gonna say sike and hide em away or whatever? Or like, uh– uh," they fiddled with the ball in their hands more. "You sure?" 

Gordon nodded.

Their pupils blew wide, and the huge grin was so infectious it hit him like a shockwave as he smiled back. He lightly patted Benrey on the shoulder. "All yours, bud." There was a great fondness blooming in his chest as he looked at Benrey's estatic face, one that he only noticed now as a startlingly warm emotion washed over him. He quickly removed his hand, trying to look as casual as possible.

"Uh, anyway. I gotta- um. There's important emails I need to look at," He stood up, but jolted when a hand quickly grabbed his wrist. A short burst of panic from deep within made him freeze, but the hand pulled away just as fast as it came. A tiny "sorry" was muttered from the other.

"I just- thanks. Bro." They kept their hands close to themself when he looked back, and he shook his head.

"No problem. I'm glad you like them." As soon as those words left his mouth, he shut it tight. He thinks his ears are burning a little. Benrey's definitely were, along with their face. Luckily it wasn't too prominent.

"Uh. Bye," Gordon absconded to his room. Great. He definitely likes Benrey. And probably not in a friend way. His stomach does a weird flip at the realization and he covers his face in his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forzen May or May Not Have been in the super way back seat of the movie theater,,, as a tiny treat 4 the forzen fans,,, Also yes he did graduate and is no longer a bootboy. He is Thriving and I say,, good 4 him  
> Also I'm so so sorry Darnold fans I love him too and I will try to make him more present bc I care he,,, and Darnold n Tommy hang out a lot too, they have been 4 months it's just not strictly seen but rather mentioned  
> Also yay!!! Fidget toys! I am also staring directly at the seals,,,, oohh I want them so bad


	7. shits real wack, bro, big yikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wowie! 4304 words! A real bigun', I kinda kept going on a tangent sorry
> 
> CONTENT WARNING for this chapter!!!!  
> Mentions of syringes/needle usage (they're pretty out of it n don't see tho), vivisection, sorta vague body horror, technically unsedated? The guys didn't wait long enough for it to settle in so that major sucks  
> Um,,, anyway if!!! You want to skip it, just scroll until you see the  
> – – – – – – – – – – – – – – or if youre on computer hit ctrl+f (?) and type in "Benrey woke up in a cold sweat" you'll be good then  
> Or if your mobile device has a "find in page" option in ur 3 dots thing, look up that phrase idk I'm not tech smart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a better description for the actual scar outline, look at GHOST's art in the "honey I'm home" music video (3:19 specifically) and don't look up human vivisection god there is. Just frogs and vaguely related images I am so dissapointed and a lil grossed out anyway!!! Here you go . I have reread the first section at least 29 times if there's an error I will Yell at a pillow and then fix it

Bright lights. Blinding. It hurt to look, even through closed eyes. Metal. Cold back. Ears ringing. Or was that a vent fan?

"Doctor O..... You may begi..... sample of eigh.........dash two thr...... Sed...ion req.... Standard ...edure." Their hearing went in and out. What was going on? Where are they? They tried to move, but nothing let them. Their wrists and ankles were cold. Why are they so cold? They felt a prick of something in their neck.

Something sharp and small dug itself into their right shoulder. Their fists clenched. It hurt. It hurt so much. The pain dragged itself over to their other shoulder, before exiting. It stung. How deep was it going? It returned in above their lower hip and dug its way to the other side. The pain was slowly lessening, at least. Something was spoken in a staticy overhead voice, replied by the ones around them. Dull sharpness from the chest to the lower stomach. They felt lightheaded. What was happening? They didn't dare open their eyes. Too bright.

They could feel their own flesh peel back on itself, a few sharp pricks holding it exposed, and more voices. Sounded like they were talking through two boxes of jello. Or thick water. A horrible feeling washed all over them when they could *feel* someone's hand poking at their organs. Their face was wet with tears. Felt like they were suffocating, or being torn apart. This was the worst. 

Weakly thrashing against the cold. More limbs growing out from the open cavity, sprawling, reaching. Grabbing fruitlessly, blindly. Sounds of alarm. Warm liquid dripping from all over their chest. Another prick in the neck, harsher and rushed. They felt the world slipping from them, like having several blankets being piled on top of each other. A heavy darkness.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Benrey woke up in a cold sweat on the couch, clenching the front of their damp shirt with such a tight hold their knuckles went white. Their breathing was heavy, labored, fast, and chills ran down their back as the adrenaline was trying to wear off. It felt like their heart kickstarted their everything. They quickly shucked off the shirt, patting their hands over their chest frantically. It caught on the precise, agitated scars. The awkwardly shaped I. Their eyes widened and skin shifted near instinctively, forcing the scar under as new, nicer epidermis quickly knit over the lines. Once their chest stopped feeling like it was crawling with fire ants, they ran their hands over it again. Nothing there anymore. Just smooth skin. They shut their eyes tight, shakily slumping on the back of the couch. Red and white lights exhaled out, being joined shortly by white to navy. They opened their eyes to it, taking one of the red ones and crushing it with their hand. It splattered, but quickly faded off into nothing. They swatted around and grabbed a few more, until all of it was gone. They let out a heavy sigh.

Benrey knew they shouldn't have slept. What made them pass out in the first place? They were usually so good at keeping their eyes open — and it's never as hard as humans make it to be, all droopy-eyed and drowsy after barely 17 hours being awake. Benrey could go several months without sleeping. At least a year or few, if they tried a little harder. They even went up to four years, once. And their last sleep couldn't have been more than a year and a half ago. So why did they fall asleep now?

They nearly jumped out of their skin when Gordon's door cracked open. They heard his footsteps down the hall, past the dining room, and right into the living roo—

"Where's your shirt?" He groggily asked, before shaking his head and attempting to blink the sleep out his eyes. "Nevermind. I thought I heard whining? And a pretty rough gasp... Are you okay?" He was standing by the side of the couch, facing Benrey's back. They curled into themself when they noticed the shirt was too far away.

"'m fine. Was just... uh. I was...." Shit. What excuse could they possibly use? The game system wasn't on, and they couldn't think of anything nonsensical enough while still coming down from the bodily jumpstart. It was like all the braincells were sucked right out of their skull, or maybe freeze dried. They sighed.

Soft, bunched up fabric nudged their tense shoulder. They cracked open an eye. Gordon was holding out their shirt to them, wordless, concern written all over his face. He looked different in the dark. More soft. Tired. They kept their legs bunched to their chest as they took the shirt and slipped it back on. They hoped to anything Gordon won't ask about the nightmare. Benrey wasn't ready to talk about it, probably ever.

"Want a snack? It helps, sometimes." His voice was so gentle, even in the blaring silence of the night. They nodded, hesitant to stand but doing so anyway. Try not to think about shaking or falling. Gordon held out his hand near theirs. Oh? They took it, and was lead to the kitchen. The tiles were freezing on their feet. They couldn't stop a shiver. He either didn't notice or didn't comment, at least. 

He opened the fridge, pulling out a pack of lunchables they both originally got for kicks, and some pre-cut salami. Not letting go of Benrey's hand, he closed the door with his elbow and set the food on the counter.

"Bon appetit. Luxury midnight snacking right at our fingertips." He smiled in that little way that always made Benrey's heart leap to their throat. How is it possible that someone could be so kind? They know it's been a long while since everything happened... but is this deserving? Or is it just a human response to seeing another in distress? Tommy would know. He's always been really smart when it came to human feelings. He's always really smart in general. They sucked in a shaky breath. Gordon was looking at them. They stared holes into the lunchables logo. 

"I won't ask anything, if you're worried about that." His voice cut through the wall of tension again, letting go of their hand to open the packages. He made a little cracker sandwich and set it aside near them. They picked it up and stared at it, while Gordon ate some of the salami. He wouldn't ask. He wouldn't ask. They repeated the line a few more times, then took a bite. Food wasn't exactly something they required as much as others, but it was still nice every now and then. Like now. Though this was more to occupy their thoughts away from the lucid dream. Humans bond by eating too, right? Getting the HP up together before fighting the enemies or the boss battles. Like making meals in Pokémon SWSH or Final Fantasy 15. They were feeling better. They had another cracker sandwich. 

It was a long, comfortable silence between the two, just standing in the dark in the middle of the kitchen, going to town on snack foods. Benrey offered the Butterfinger candy bar to Gordon, but he shook his head. They shrugged and ate the whole thing without unwrapping it. Gordon opened his mouth to stop them, but watched as it was too late. He wheezed a little.

"You really are something else, huh?" He chuckled, making Benrey's stomach feel light. They smirked.

"Huh? I dunno what you mean, man. I'm just chillin'. Having some straight up bro time over here. Vibing." Gordon laughed again, closing the pack of salami and putting it away. He also tossed the now empty lunchables in the trash.

"I mean it in a good way, Benrey." They paused at that. Was their face burning? They don't remember activating any fire cheats. The way Gordon had said it was so... _genuine_. It was like the gears in their brain froze up to buffer. Lowering the quality to 144p so it could start back up again. They blinked.

"...Huh?" They said dumbly. Gordon shakes his head and smiles in that soft, light-hearted way. Benrey seriously thinks they're about to malfunction again.

"Nevermind. Just think that you're.." He doesn't finish his sentence, which both dismays and relieves Benrey. They don't know if they could've handled another critical hit to the heart. Might've K.O.'d on the spot or something. Mortal Kombat style, but only the one where they just stand around as a finisher. Oh shit, he's talking again.

"-stay in the living room. I know the couch can't be that comfortable after this long." What? They scrunched their eyebrows down in confusion.

"I've always been in the living room, though? What's- huh? You- is it Gordon Meanman hours again?" Gordon himself was confused as well before realizing the obvious misunderstanding.

"No, no, I said you don't have to stay in the living room." Oh, well that makes more sense. "I have a guest room if you want it. Though I probably should've told you a lot sooner." He rubbed the back of his neck with a guilty and sort of sad expression. "I uh... Don't need it anymore."

Benrey stood there, contemplating.

"Hug?" They fiddled with their hands, watching for his reaction. It took a second, but he simply shrugged.

"Sure. Doesn't answer my question, though." Ok, think, Benrey, think. How do you get through to a guy?

"...Long hug? Laying down? Please?" Gordon abruptly paused from that question. Was he blushing? From embarrassment, or-? ~~He also definitely was _not_ blushing, nor was he taken aback whatsoever. That was just the, uh... Late night slow brain, and the, the AC. Yeah.~~

"You mean cuddling-? I don't-" Oh no, did they mess up again? They should backtrack.

"N-no, uh- I mean- m,minecraft. In Minecraft. The beds-" okay, this was going horribly. They wouldn't doubt their entire face was flushed from embarrassment. But instead of Gordon saying something about being disgusted, or that they should back off, he just... laughs. Gordon laughs. And not the exasperated or mocking kind, either — it was a quiet, wheezing laugh that somehow filled the entire kitchen. If they were a cartoon character, there would be hearts in their eyes. Yeah, corny. Whatever.

"I don't know how to respond to that, dude. You can feel free to play your games or chill out in the guest room, but I dunno about the... the other thing. Uh." Okay, so not the worst reaction. Completely understandable. They guess Gordon likes slow? They think they remember Tommy saying something about that. It's cool. They can slow down. They still haven't gotten one thing that was agreed on, though.

".... Short hug, then? Pretty please?" Benrey held out their arms.

"Short hug, yeah." Gordon embraced them, and they melted pretty quickly from the contact. It was like being hugged by a teddy bear, and so much better than the feeling of suffocating stacked blankets. They sniffled a little. Aw, beans. Now's not the time for emotions. They pulled away, pulling their chullo hat as more on their face as it could go.

"Thanks, Gordon. Gordon Niceman." They speedwalked into the guest room, to which the door closed and Benrey wrapped themself up in the softest, lightest weight blanket they could find for warmth and sat in the middle of the bed for the rest of the night. The air hung sweetly with pink, orange, and green lights. They smiled, just slightly.

===================

Gordon has a LOT to think about. What the hell was his brain thinking last night? Should he be dismissive of it or is that just his heart yelling at him to not be so thickheaded for once? Was- is Benrey into him too, or is that just their way of showing platonic affection? He's heard about how some people can be extremely affectionate to friends and yet have it all be completely platonic. Y'know, like compliments, handholding, kisses on the cheek, cuddling at sleepovers—

Wow, okay. Get ahold of yourself, Gordon. You're 27, not a movie teenager. You're nearly in your thirties and you are a very responsible adult that knows how to communicate your feelings.

Oh, who was he kidding?

His last relationship was a bust, as with all the ones before it. Hell, this might just be as confusing as when he spent four years trying to figure out if he was bi or pan, and which was which anyway. He figured it out, of course — he's bi, and though his attraction was similar to pan the label just never felt quite right — but that doesn't mean he still isn't confused about it sometimes. Besides, what if Benrey was just joke flirting? Or if they weren't flirting at all and he was even more thick than he anticipated. And it probably doesn't help that he's likely more touch starved than he used to be, wayy back ago. Barely anyone in the Science Team initiate contact besides Benrey or Tommy sometimes, and after the whole ResCas incident he was really not happy about the gloves blocking textures. At least it saved his ass, though. The suit. Ugh, he's spiraling again.

Gordon groaned in exasperation and threw his hands onto his face. So much for being an adult who has his shit together. Sometimes he thinks he might be in a cruddy thrift store fiction or some young adult movie with a low budget. Only sometimes. He doubts a bad movie or a book would be able to give him this much unnecessary depth. Like, seriously, who thinks of any of this? Pretty fucked up, if you ask him.

Okay, enough with the dereality simulation book mumbo jumbo. Gordon got out of bed. He checked the time — 9:21 AM — and shuffled to the kitchen to make breakfast. He opens the fridge. What do we got here... a few eggs close to the sell by date, milk, there's a few Pillsbury can things of various pastries like biscuits, cinnamon rolls, crescents that he bought a few days ago... He'll go the easy route today and make some cinnamon rolls.

He sets the baking trays down — two layered on top each other so the bottom doesn't burn before it finishes cooking — and sprays it with some non-stick oil. Benrey shuffles in from the hallway, peeking around the corner with curious eyes. He waves a hello and grabs a spoon.

"Wutcha uhhh... doin'? There?" They step closer, peering at him holding the spoon to the cylinder. Gordon, thankfully, didn't notice their small jump when the thing popped open.

"I'm making rolls. Cinnamon ones. Ever tried 'em before?" They scrunched their eyebrows together, a bit confused as to what exactly he's doing.

"Nah."

Gordon pulled the dough out and began separating them.

"It's really good, in my opinion. Orange rolls are good too." He set a timer on the microwave and put the tray in the oven, now able to pay full attention to Benrey. The sudden spotlight put on them, though, made them glance away, rubbing their thumb over one side of the fidget cube in their hoodie pocket. He mercifully stopped looking directly at them soon after.

"Guess I'll, uh. Find out in a bit?" They responded. Gordon shrugged.

"It's gonna take a while. 16 minutes or so." They both slipped into silence, Benrey's feeling more awkward than Gordon's. They opened their mouth with a smack.

"Sooo... uh. Turns out they've made a PS5. Pretty crazy." Gordon hummed in a vague agreement, leaning his lower back on one of the counters.

"Wanna play 21 Questions while we wait?"

"What?" They blinked, looking back at him. He shrugged loosely.

"I just think it's crazier that we've lived in the same house for so long and yet we don't really know each other that much. Sort of." Benrey made a noise similar to "bbbbth."

"Maybe it's just 'cuz you forgot all about how we were like, besties when we were kids. Failman." 

"Hey man, not everybody has pristine memory abilities. Sometimes the brain has dumb priorities on what to remember. Besides, I never got any memories of 'playing in the dirt and mud' with anyone that looked like you."

"That's 'cuz I looked different." They mumbled. Gordon paused. Then his eyebrows pushed down in confusion.

"What?"

"Said I looked different. Wasn't all... Person-y."

"What do you mean? You turned into a raccoon or a bird or frog, or whatever?" Benrey stayed silent for a beat, avoiding his questioning gaze.

"I mean... Yeah. Pretty much."

Huh. Well, damn. Gordon had to take a minute to process this. Would that mean that all the wild animals he'd play with in his open backyard or the park was... Benrey? It couldn't possibly be all them, though, that doesn't make sense— but then which ones _were_ them? He can't remember too well, but there were a few that had a consistent pattern between animals... Maybe that was them? He just thought it was a weird coincidence. Can't really blame himself either, he was just a kid.

"Hello? Earth to Gordon? I didn't break your little science brain, did I?" Gordon's thinking hand dropped from his mouth, looking directly into their eyes.

"You're not messing with me, right?" Benrey shook their head.

"Nah, bro. I can prove it right now if you want. I think." Then they mumbled. "'s kinda been a while."

"Do it then. Something small, or whatever."

"Sure, sure." Benrey hopped off their high seat, walking around the island so they could stand a few feet in front of Gordon.

"Might wanna, uh, you're probably gonna have to find me under the clothes. Oh yeah, and look away unless you wanna see a high def Animorphs transition in real. Kinda grosses a lot of people out."

"I didn't mean small literally-" He sputtered a bit, then the rest processed through. "W- Then why'd you stand in front of me?"

Benrey shrugged.

"Dunno. Anyway, here goes." Gordon barely had any time to slap a hand over his eyes (and hope it wasn't hard enough to break his glasses) before they started transforming. Surprisingly there wasn't any gross squelching or bone cracking like he expected, just a few clothes shifting and some indiscernible noise he couldn't possibly begin to describe besides 'not horrible, but not pleasant.' The noises stop. A raccoon chittered. Gordon opens his eyes and looks down.

Among the pile of clothing is, of course, a raccoon, but with that same peculiar pattern he just barely remembered as a kid. Subtle, since it was still patterned like normal, but there were a few tells. He crouched down and lifted the sweater off them, observing the extended dark mask covering both the eyes, upper cheeks, and top of the head. The kitchen light revealed a slight iridescent shine across the entire coat, as though they had been coated in stardust. Benrey stares back up at him with beady eyes, before blowing two notes of shifting, multicolored sweetvoice, then seemed a bit startled at their own creation. They tried again, a shakey sort of teal floating off before being joined by a sigh of darkish green to yellow. Gordon was taking in every detail, wracking his brain for solid connections.

"What about a frog? If you can." He didn't know what their limits were, and was just genuinely curious at this point. Benrey put their paws over their eyes before pointing at him. Gordon covered his eyes and the indescribable noise returned, if only for a few seconds. He felt a tiny wet spot flick on his knee, and open his eyes. Okay, now they're a frog... with the same strange patterns and iridescence.

"Did you just lick me like a fly?" He chuckled, but they just sat there. That was, until he saw the mischievous glint in their eyes too late and Benrey hopped _directly_ on his face. He yelped and fell backwards from his crouch, landing with a thud and a small pained groan on the tile. Opening his eyes again, he saw the frog stare right into his eyes from where they were perched on his nose. He could swear they grinned.

"You know you're small enough to crush in my hand, right?" The taunt left his mouth a little too fast for him to reconsider, and they blinked down at him. An oaky brown note emerged and floated between his eyes.

"I have no idea what you're saying, dude." He scooped them into his palms as he sat up — a few tiny purple notes escaping — and set them back on the floor, watching as a line of dark green to yellow floated and dissappeared. Benrey tucked their arms under themself, like those pictures of polite frogs. Gordon rolled his eyes, then went back on track as to why they were doing this thing in the first place.

"I... _guess_ you look really similar... Ugh," he facepalmed quietly, bringing his thumb and pointer to pinch the bridge of his nose under his glasses. Oh, great, now Benrey's a parrot but colored like a mix with a crow. They squawked at him.

"Nerd boy finally got the memory puzzle completed." They mocked, but not as rudely as he expected.

"Yeah yeah, just gimme a minute to process it. And go back to your- your regular form, or something. Clothes." He closes his eyes once more.

"Bossy..." They mumbled from their now not-quite-beak, soon hearing the rustle of clothes again and a quiet "oops, bird tail." Eventually there was a tap on his shoulder.

"Baby loser can stop crouching now. I'm good to go." He removed his hand for the final time and Benrey was sat criss-cross in front of him, grinning lazily. Gordon simply stood up and glanced at the timer. Still 12 minutes left. Benrey sticks their hands back into their hoodie to mess with the cube.

"So, if I'm getting this right, you were some — if not most — of the animals I played around with when I was little?" Benrey nodded as their smile dissappeared, ignoring his little mutter of " _wow_ that feels weird to say." He took in a breath. "Okay... But how were you there? Didn't you say something along the lines of you grew up in Black Mesa or whatever?" They huffed a half-hearted scoff at that.

"I didn't say that. Was probably Bubby you're getting it all mixed up with. I was actually just hangin' out, mega vibing on Earth and stumbled to your neighborhood. Found a kid that didn't run away from me. Just happened to be you, I guess." They avoided looking at him, faint clicks sounding from their pocket. Gordon raised a brow.

"Were you always on Earth? Isn't Xen your home or something?" They shrugged.

"Nah, Xen's not- it isn't home as much as it is 'oh hello I exist now okay bye' and I left 'cuz it was mind numbingly boring. Only stayed long enough to be self-sufficient." They sighed, glancing at the timer. It wasn't going nearly fast enough.

"Okay, but-" he paused, biting the inside of his cheek as he put the story together. Benrey 'popped into existence' on Xen, learned enough to run off on their own, somehow made it to Earth and immediately took forms of animals? And just happened to meet him of all people? It makes a lot more sense than the usual b.s. he'd be told, but there's still a couple of plot holes.

"How'd you get from Xen to Earth?"

"Portal, duh." The response was so instant he paused and blinked a few times.

"Just some random portal? Really?" Benrey shrugged again, clearly impatient now.

"Yeah, dude. I dunno how it _works-_ I just found one and bam, Earth, whatever." Their shoulders were square with their head, looking off to the side like they were seeking an escape route. "I don't think this 21 Questions thing is really that fun. Sounds more like a, uh.... an interrogation, than a game. When do I get to ask questions?" Their tone was pretty serious, and suprisingly devoid of their usual lingo and quirks. It worried him a bit.

"Sorry. I just got curious. Y'know." Oh man, the uncomfortable energy is absolutely radiating off Benrey that even he's tense. What happened to them? Something awful, definitely, with how they acted last night, but Gordon just couldn't figure out what it was. Whatever the trauma, it seemed like they weren't ready to share. That's okay.

"I'll leave it alone, Benrey. Actually, I'll let you interrogate me for the next-" He glanced to the clock again. 9:48 left. "-roughly three or four minutes, or uh. Seven to ten questions? Whatever you want. As payback." 

The gears seemed to turn in their mind for a while. 

"Dunno what to ask." They mumbled. Well, damn. Bummer. Also kind of ironic.

"That's okay. You don't have to stick around in the kitchen if you don't want." These seemed to be the magic words as Benrey relaxed and quickly walked off into the living room, booting up the PlayStation. Gordon pulled up a chair on the island and filed everything away in his head.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Gordon eventually entered the living room and set a plate of cinnamon rolls on the table for Benrey, not saying a word with his mouth but they could see his eyes were apologetic. They waited until he left soon after, then set down the controller and dug in.

They were, in fact, very good, and an uncomfortable weight settled in the pit of their stomach completely unprompted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of sweet voice this chapter!! Wow!!!
> 
> Red to white: I'm not alright - more of a panic response (I made up idk)  
> ⬤ white to navy: Sadness / upset (sweet voice guide doc)  
> Pink orange and green: I'm embarrassed that you care for me but I like it (probably from my asks)  
> Teal means suprise! Sometimes  
> An oaky brown like it's all wooden means no you wouldn't (unfortunately I created this one)  
> The purple one's translation (nightshade means I'm afraid) is a nod to the fic *Enigmatic Candy Flavored Contextual Feelings Orbs*, made by EctoCoolatta and can be found in the notes of chapter 15 ;0 please go give it a read!  
> ⬤ dark green to yellow: I’m relieved / relief
> 
> I tend to write a lot of notes to myself that never make it to the final post but I'm adding this one here sort of raw bc I'm probably not going to explain it in a chapter so—  
> /New note regarding the guest room and no Joshua room nor Joshua in the story (besides the fact I suck at kid characters, especially ones under 13): Gordon lost the parenting rights to his kid bc he's not really a good father (despite his obvious love for the child) and can only see joshie on calls with his ex. It didn't help his court case when he went missing due to the Resonance Cascade and according to the govt that was the final straw. Gordon misses his son :( . Also this is a "new" apartment so there's no specific decorations in the guest room so it looks really boring and plain. He hasn't figured out what to do with the room. I have a sidewrite for the case retry tho and hint hint it's good news


	8. Gordon Skaterman. also benny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning for talk and show of earthworms in the second scene! You can skip past it if you'd like - starting from ‘"what are you doing in the dirt?"’ and ends at ‘"Okay-?" He shook his head’ and uh. Benrey calls themself a wo*m boy as a joke (r taken out in case the word makes one uncomfy? Idk it definitely elicits something in the vaguely gross area 4 me) anyway you could skip the whole small paragraph right after ‘"You cool with just us? No- no Tommy or- nobody?"’ n there won't be any more talk of em

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bubby is he/they/xe but really any pronouns besides she or it works. 's not very prominent in the whole story but just a friendly let-you-know thing
> 
> Sitting position:  
> Darnold, Benrey, Coomer, Bubby  
> Tommy, Gordon
> 
> It's amazing how you can instantly guess the relations in a friend group by looking at the seating positions

"So, Bendy my boy! When will you choose a time to confe-" Coomer's leg is side kicked sharply by Benrey, and his jaw snaps shut with a wide, close-lipped smile. Tommy looks instantly nervous, while Bubby simply rolls his eyes. Darnold chooses not to participate in the conversation, watching unamused from the sidelines as he eats his ice cream.

"What?" Gordon was the only one to speak up, raising a brow at everyone's reactions. Confess to what? Did they do something he didn't know about again? 

"None of your business," Bubby interjected. "Not yet anyway- hey!" Their mumble was cut off when Coomer gave them a harsh pat on the shoulder. At least to Gordon it looked harsh. Bubby only reacted like it was a minorly aggressive pat.

"So this is just another unexplained group mystery that I gotta solve?" Gordon complained, though he wasn't all that worked up about it. Was probably just something small and they're playing it up to mess with him. Friendly prank or something again, except it's actually harmless this time.

Tommy set down his ice cream bowl for a second to twiddle his thumbs. 

"It's not... _really_ a group, mystery... But if you wanna think of it like that maybe you can picture clues as- as um-" he paused, making a thinking face. "Oh! Imagine the mystery is intangible, and the only one who has the clues is-" he glanced to Benrey, who was pretty much frozen in place and trying to decipher just what in the hell Tommy's saying. "B- Benrey! Yeah! Like when you have a big puzzle that requires two people to be finished speedily, or to watch if pieces fall off." 

"I... Guess that makes sense?" Gordon was hesitant to agree since he really had no idea what that meant, but it seemed to dissipate the tense and awkward mood shrouding the table. He'll take it as a half win. Benrey appears to be staring only at their ice cream at this point, and doesn't look him in the eye until a few hours after they're home. 

Puzzle pieces, huh. Tommy's given him a bit to think about, able to push aside his fluttery feelings in favor of trying to make sense of what in the world the 'mystery' could be. Benrey... Doesn't help him out. But at this point it's not too surprising.

===================

Gordon was excited about a roller skate rink opening up downtown. He hasn't gone in so long; most of his memories were from his parents taking him to one in the summer or on school trips when vacations came near. It was a bit childish to him to be this excited, maybe, but it just has so many fond memories in his heart. In fact, his second immediate thought was to share this excitement with Benrey.

That gave him pause. He scooted back in his bedroom chair, away from the computer desk. Why was that his immediate thought- or, well, second thought? Because they were a friend and roommate? Probably. Because he's already invited them to other outings, or because they'd be lonely if left in the house? Also some good reasons. But he can't be that stupid. He likes the guy, for sure, he's just... Not sure how _much._ And if they like him too, in either way. Or- well, he knows they like him as a friend, probably, but they're also great at sending weird signals he's still having trouble figuring out. And it's strange, too, since they used to be so forward. Did they not like him like that anymore? He wouldn't blame them — after all, one can't just erase everything that happened on Xen out of the mind. He can't remember if they had a talk about everything that's happened. But he also doesn't know if he's ready for it. Should he be? Hasn't it been over half a year? How fast do people recover from things like that? Or is he just too slow and everyone else is already fine? He can't help but feel guilty about being so slow. But he still doesn't know if he's ready to get over it. Or _if_ he'll ever get over it, even though it's calmed down a lot over the months. Besides, Gordon lost (and sort of regained) an arm, and Benrey mega died. Boss battle dead and respawned. That should classify as being at least somewhat even, right?

Gordon's head hurts.

He takes a minute to close his eyes, gently grabbing the edge of the desk. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat a few more times. Open his eyes, pick up the little seal and roll it around in his fingers for a bit.

There we go.

What was he thinking about first?

Right, the skate rink. He wants to invite Benrey. It's always more fun to skate with a cr- .... with friends. Something in his heart churns uncomfortably at that — not a good sign. Maybe he should invite everyone else, too — but that idea makes him deflate a bit. He loves the Science Team, obviously, but the thought of chaos in the rink just doesn't fill him with the right emotion he's looking for. There's something stuck right in the middle of his chest when he thinks about it, so he decides to try and stop thinking about it. He knows what it is. It's not going to help him right now, anyway. 

Maybe just invite Tommy with Benrey? But that excludes the others and he'd be playing favorites. Man, who would've known going to a skate rink with people would be so difficult. And he hasn't even left his room!

Gordon got up and went to the door. He's decided: just Benrey, and if they don't seem comfortable then invite the rest of the group. Flawless plan, absolutely won't backfire horribly and earn the group a ban from the company.

"Benrey?" Gordon looked up and down the hallway, going to the kitchen and living room first. No sign of them here. He went back into the hallway. Bathroom door is open and unoccupied. He stopped at the guest bedroom and knocked. No answer. 

Where are they? 

He walked back out the hall, double-checking his room on the way, and looked around. The door to the backyard was slightly ajar, which he noted with a bit of anxiety and hope. He went outside, closing the door behind him. 

Benrey laid somewhat stomach-first in the grass and poked at something obscured in the dirt. Gordon sighed heavily, a huge weight off his chest that he didn't even realize was there.

"Hey," Gordon scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. Benrey's ankle stopped wiggling for a second as they regarded him, then started back up again.

"Oh, yo what's up?" They look over their shoulder, a lazy grin plastered on their face.

"What are you doing in the dirt?" Were they messing with a bug or something?

"I made a friend. Look," They turned over and sat up, cupping their hands like a bowl for the earthworm to wriggle around on without falling.

"Oh fuck –" He instinctively took a step back, but soon crouched to lean closer for inspection. "Dude, that's kind of gross." His tone came off a bit amused.

"What? Bro, it's just a lil guy. A mini friend," they glanced down at it, a tiny smile still lingering on the corners of their mouth.

"Okay-?" He shook his head. "Whatever. Anyway, do you wanna go to a roller skating rink downtown?"

"Huh? What's that." Benrey let the creature down, then wiped their hands on their pants and crossed their legs.

"Oh! Um, it's a place where you roll around on many wheels for the fun of it, and in general just have a good time. It's a new place that opened up and there hasn't been that much news about it, so I figured if we go soon then there won't be too many people yet. Y'know?"

Benrey had to pause for a second. Gordon being considerate? No way- well, yes way, considering it's happening right now but — he recognized they don't like crowds and still invited them while- while making sure it was comfortable?? They just kind of sat there, processing this touching act of kindness. Gordon, unfortunately, thought they malfunctioned and froze. Did he say something wrong?

"You ok? You don't have to go- or if it makes it better, we can invite Tommy or the whole Science Team—"

"No no it's, uh- sounds. Awesome..." They paused, then bobbed their head in a nod. "Yeah bro, let's go." Benrey scrambled onto their feet, holding back from grinning too wide. 

Gordon blinked, suprised at their enthusiasm before another thought hit him. Oh holy fuck, wait- is this-? Benrey didn't ask for the others to join? He needs just one more check. Just to be sure.

"You really cool with just us? No- no Tommy or- nobody?"

"What? Is Gordon nervous hanging out with worm boy? I promise I won't bring 'em with me, no sir." Oh, great! So it's not just his imagination. Wait—

"Wh- no, what? I'm not nervous about your dirt animals, whatever. I just-" He falters. "It's- ... Nothing, nevermind. We can go tomorrow if that's cool with you."

"Schedule's always open." He swears he heard a specific tone in that sentence, and he cant decide if it gives him butterflies or premature exhaustion. Probably both.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

"Here it is!" Benrey looked up from their phone — which by now has a good few games on it — when the car finally stopped. The rather bare building sported a large sign above the double-doored entrance, reading "The Rink", and a strange mascot with wheeled shoes on the side wall.

"What's that?" They pointed at the mascot as the two got out. Gordon rounded the car to be on Benrey's side.

"Dunno. Bird, probably. Got some cool confetti hair. It's a mascot for the business." He explained, letting Benrey take his hand as he talked and crossed the parking lot. 

Benrey was staring at the wall and floor design, not really impressed with the drab, dark carpeting or the white paint over bricks and concrete. Gordon led them up to a little booth and handed over "cash" for "tickets". They still don't completely understand why green rectangles of paper can apparently get people a lot of other things. Actually, no. Rather, they simply thought it was a weird thing to do when you could rather just take something or trade with other stuff. They guess "cash" is just the catch-all on one side of the trade. Which is a little boring.

"Hey," Gordon gently squeezed their hand, and suddenly Benrey found themself standing in front of Gordon in a much more colorful room. Bigger, too. They blinked. He gave them a soft smile that did funny things to their insides.

"We could do a bit of gaming first, or go right to roller skating. Which one you want?" They were still looking around the place. Big closed off oval with two skaters doing laps. Several tables, one of them occupied by a small family of three— no, wait, four probably, there's a lone tiny kid running around in the arcade area. An island bar looking area, with a bored employee. If they took a few steps over to the arcade area, there's a square area carved out in the wall with... A shoe rack? And another employee. The shoes all have wheels and different bland colors. Benrey glanced back to Gordon, who just had the most patient eyes. It was almost shocking to them every time, those eyes. The emotion constantly packed in them.

They quickly stepped back as the arcade kid nearly barreled into Benrey's legs, but managed to swerve around the two and join the table family. The two adults send an apologetic wave their way.

They feel a pat on their shoulder, and nearly jump out of their skin. It's just Gordon — he's also startled, but lets out a chuckle once realizing they're okay. Ben's just a bit on guard. 

"Arcade first?" They looked from him to the several games and cabinets, then back to him again with a soft nod. They both walked around until one of them striked their fancy, and began playing.

They did this to several other arcade cabinets, too, and some of them even turned into 'who can beat the other's high score'. The end result was a tie.

Benrey finally drifted over to that shoe rack place, though not without being sure Gordon was within eyesight, or at least peripherals. They don't really know why he had to be, but he had to be. And it was pretty subtle, too, as long as he kept the occasional extra set of eyes hidden in a deep shadow or something. Not a big deal.

"What size?" The guy behind the counter drawled out, and Benrey tensed near imperceptibly. Size of what? There's a lot of sizes of things they can think of off the top of their head. Gordon stepped up next to Benrey and said a number. The guy turned around and grabbed one of the pairs of wheeled shoes, and Gordon took them. Benrey just watched.

"You?" The guy said, referring to the only wheeled-shoes-less person currently nearby and in the conversation. Benrey doesn't respond.

Gordon looks confused. His eyes were darting from the employee to Benrey and back and forth maybe a few times, or just twice. 

"Do you know your shoe size?" Gordon was asking this, as though it was any possibility Benrey doesn't know the size of their own shoes and clothes at all times.

"Yes." They then failed to elaborate with a number. 

Gordon sighed. He gave the employee a look.

"Here." The guy set some metal thing on the counter. It had a bunch of lines and numbers on it. Gordon took it and showed it to Benrey.

"Use this. Stick your heel in the groove here, and look for the number that the tip of your big toe reaches." He set it on the ground in front of them. Benrey stared down at it, then looked up and opened his mouth—

"If you even try to say something gross about feet, I'm leaving you here." He obviously wouldn't leave them here, but the empty threat worked pretty well as they immediately closed their mouth and used the measurer as instructed.

It wasn't too hard after that to get the right shoe and they're both sitting at a table to tie their laces. Gordon did his first and helped make sure Benrey's was the proper tightness. They still haven't said a word, even when they entered the skating area.

Gordon stuck nearby as Benrey clung to the short walls, going about as slow as a snail with new legs. It was actually pretty endearing, but they were too stubborn to say anything about it or the fact Gordon seems to be moving along just fine. That part's actually more embarrassing. He's still being patient, surprisingly enough.

It's taking a lot of willpower for Benrey not to form another pair of legs or a tail for more balance, or even just crouch all the way to the floor and use their hands to move. Embarrassing.

"Want any tips?" Gordon gently suggested, trying to hide a smile of some kind from showing too much. It wasn't working.

"No." They mumbled out, firm yet quiet as they stared directly at the floor in front of them. They do want tips. 

The overhead music was the only thing keeping them from plunging into uncomfortable silence, and Gordon seemed to be having an internal debate if his eyes looking around and brows scrunching have any tell. Someone in there must've won, because he turned his head to them with a tiny glint in his eye and started talking.

"First thing you'll want to do is look more forward than down, and bend your knees a bit." Look forward? But they'll fall if they don't see their shoes? The confusion must've been pretty visible, as he elaborated.

"Forward as in about, twenty? twenty five feet in front of you. A decent distance or something." They were hesitant to comply, but after a moment they looked up a bit more while they held onto the walls. Funny enough, it didn't feel as disorienting anymore.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Twenty minutes and a handful more tips later, Benrey was off the wall and skating around with Gordon like they always knew how to glide on wheels. He was definitely impressed, which only served to boost their confidence as they did a twirl and just managed to land it without falling over for the fifth time. They didn't even realize they were grinning so much until Gordon commented on how much fun they seem to be having, holding a wide smile of his own.

"Yeah? Jealous of my cool moves? Bet you can't land a backwards spin without tumbling, Gor-man." They were facing him, skating around the oval rink backwards. They've practically memorized the loop length by now, with how much they've gone around and around. Gordon simply rolled his eyes.

"Uh huh, like you didn't trip up trying to do exactly that less than five minutes ago." He speeds up and playfully shoulders them before passing. Their eyes widened slightly before huffing, speeding up, and elbowing him a bit. They blew a raspberry and grinned, slowing down as they both reached a turn. Gordon laughed.

They both went on like that, trying to throw each other off their balances while absolutely not trying at all. It was all fun and games, and honestly Benrey didn't mean it when they accidentally pushed Gordon a little too hard. They actually fell over in their rush to stop and help him back up. Gordon landed directly on his face. He was groaning as he sat up and covered his mouth and nose.

"Holy shit I'm sorry-" they spoke quickly, kneeling in front of him and trying their best not to overthink and panic. Gordon let out some kind of dismissive hum, but didn't remove his left hand from his face.

"Ugh, that's probably gonna sting for a while..." He finally pulled his hand away, but quickly put it back to pinch his definitely bruised and also flushed nose. They think they saw a bit of red coming from one of the nostrils. That... Didn't help Benrey's thoughts at all, in terms of calming down. Gordon's gonna hate them again, they were just having a bit of fun, what if they double fucked up this time—

"Benrey– Benrey, hey, I'm okay. Really. You good?" They were mostly just frozen kneeling there, not even blinking away their shock. Benrey quickly reanimated and blinked. Blinked a lot. Kind of wet blinking, hard to see.

"Holy shit, are you crying?" It came as a hushed tone, almost hesitant to even be asking as though the words itself would reverse something important. Benrey sniffled.

"What?" 

"You're crying," he repeated. He was still pinching his nose, though, so it came out kinda funny.

"... You sound like Squidward."

"Oh, shut up." Gordon smiled and got up off the floor. He offered to help Benrey up, but they did it on their own.

Both of them went straight to the bathrooms, but Benrey hung out outside the men's room and pulled on their chullo strings a bit harshly. Their face felt a bit wet earlier, but now two streaks of it feel weirdly dry and kind of uncomfortable. The family from earlier occasionally glanced over worriedly, but Benrey's half-hearted glares immediately send them back to minding their own businesses. They barely looked up from the floor when a third adult came out and joined the table family. Wasn't Gordon though, so they didn't really care.

Eventually Gordon did leave the bathroom, but the bridge of his nose looked kinda swollen and under the nostrils were a little inflamed from paper towel rubbing, probably. He gave Benrey an apologetic smile. Why? They don't get it. He shouldn't be the one apologizing. 

"I think that's enough fun for one day." He sounded kind of weird, and not in the squidward voice sense. Benrey couldn't put a pin on it, but they really didn't like it. "You want something to snack on before we go home?"

They shook their head.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Back home, Benrey curled up on the couch with the TV making idle chat about some product. They were looking at it, but not really watching or even focusing on the moving pictures. Too busy thinking about the Rink. Gordon was probably somewhere in his room, using an ice pack and talking to his actual friends. Could be complaining to the others about how awful they are with taking things too far. They put their head between their knees. It was getting a tiny bit wet again, but they didn't really care much about the concept of them crying for the first time in who cares how long.

Benrey doesn't think they like rollerskating anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Write something lighthearted" I said, "it'll be great, no sad at all" I said  
> Can't have shit in my brain smh /j  
> But in all seriousness I actually didn't intend to make it dip back into hurt that much haha, I really do not control the writing direction I just float in it huh. Hope y'all enjoyed anyway!!! And please be patient with me as I'm going to graduate this year so if updates get super slow that's why ^^; I'm gonna do my best not to abandon it tho, I got a lot of ideas still  
> Oh yeah and chapter 9's gonna pick up with Gordon's perspective temporarily immediately after, but I won't finish that one for a while so it might be best to reread a lil bit of 8 before going back if u forget things (I know I do. Actually forgot like, most of this story lmao,,,)


End file.
